We've all heard about bullying and we know that it's NOT right. But what exactly can bullying be defined as?? Well, BULLYING is a desire for one person to hurt another, followed by a hurtful action. These acts are usually repeated and a pattern develops where one person enjoys the feeling of power and domination over another.

Bullying can come in many forms including: Verbal abuse: name calling and spreading rumours. Gestural abuse: threatening or obscene gestures, staring or deliberately turning to ignore someone. Physical abuse: hitting, kicking, throwing things, etc. Relational: excluding a person deliberately from a group or turning a group against somebody. Most recently…Cyber-bullying on the Internet with chat rooms, e-mail and also mobile phone messages. (We will address this one in an article coming soon as it has become a BIG issue.)

In general girls are more likely to be involved with verbal and relational (emotional) bullying. Have you ever seen a girl left out of a group intentionally? Has a friend promised to do something with you but dropped you when she got a better offer? Have you heard nasty rumours spread about someone even when it most likely wasn't true? This is all bullying and its effects can be long-lasting and very hurtful to the victim. Unfortunately bullying can have serious side-effects including:

1. headaches
2. nightmares
3. loss of appetite
4. speech problems
5. anxiety
6. shame
7. hopelessness
8. depression
9. confusion
10. feeling powerless
11. panic attacks
12. being teary
13. problems with school work
14. difficulty trusting
15. fear of socialising
16. withdrawn
17. poor posture
18. isolated/shy

In very serious cases it can lead to social phobias, trauma and suicidal tendencies.

Damage doesn't always end at school; it can cause problems in adulthood and affect career and relationships.

We need to STOP BULLYING now. It is unacceptable and should not be tolerated by anybody. YOU can play a part in diminishing it in your circles.

Bullying continues because people don't challenge the bully. Girls need to stick together and stand up for each other. Don't get sucked in by the girls spreading nasty rumours, don't laugh when girls put another girl down and don't join in general catty behaviour. Discuss the issue with your friends and keep each other accountable. Plan how you will handle bullying when you next encounter it.

If you are a victim you need to do something. Find out about the bullying policy at your school or in your workplace. You need to find out who you should talk to about it. You need to find a supportive friend, a parent, a teacher, a work collegue, a boss, a counsellor or someone who can help you through this tough time because it is a challenge but one that you need to fight through.

If you are an onlooker you need to confront the bully or report the behaviour. Some schools have the policy that onlookers are treated the same as the bully. You too have a responsibility! You should also let the victim know that you have noticed what's going on, it's not acceptable and something can be done about it. Get alongside her and encourage her to take action with your support.

HOW TO BULLY PROOF YOURSELF: Posture - shoulders back, walk confidently. Eye Contact - look people in the eye when you speak with them. Don't walk around avoiding eye contact or looking at the ground. Speak Confidently - make sure you are heard…not like a little mouse. Practise talking in a loud and clear voice. Be Assertive - If you don't like something that someone does to you, tell them confidently. Remember that you are important and you have rights. Find some nice friends - If girls are being mean to you, they aren't worth your time…move on. Feel happy about who you are. Don't be a person who apologises for absolutely everything you do. Don't feel that you need to seek the approval of others for your own self-worth. Ignore hurtful comments…DON'T REACT (Bullies love a reaction!)

So, what if YOU are the bully?
If you recognize some of the bullying behaviours as your own, you need to take a good hard look at yourself and actively work on stopping that damaging behaviour. You could see a counsellor to assist you in this area. Often it is because you have been bullied in other relationships that you use bullying as a tool to gain power and feel respected.

Bottom line: Bullying is harmful and it needs to be stopped. Girls can be very nasty and hurtful to each other BUT we need to EMBRACE our differences and support each other.

For more information and resources about bullying, head on over to www.reachout.com.au.