Check your thinking!

Do you fall into the trap of thinking negatively about events? Do you ever jump to conclusions or interpret a situation the wrong way? Do you feel like you are always failing and never succeeding?

We have all developed automatic thinking patterns but sometimes the way we perceive an event could be completely incorrect! For example: You may think your friend has hung up the phone on you because she doesn't want to talk to you, but actually the phone was out of battery and she calls you back that night. Or you may be putting too much pressure on yourself to be perfect and consequently you feel like a failure. In reality, you are achieving very well and you should feel proud.

It is important to check out the way you are thinking and if you are thinking in a negative way, you should identify this and change it!

Here are some common mistakes we make:

All or Nothing: You see things as black or white and if you don't do something perfectly, you must be a failure!

Disqualifying the positive: You reject positive experiences by saying, "That didn't count" or "It was a fluke." You then hold onto a negative belief such as, "I'm hopeless at school work."

Catastrophising: You overly exaggerate the importance of things such as a mistake you made or an embarrassing event. You find it difficult to get past.

Mind reading: You imagine you know the way people are feeling and why they act a certain way...without them ever saying so. You particularly assume you know how others are feeling towards you.

Blaming: You hold other people responsible for what is happening with you. Or you blame yourself for everything. If something is wrong, you have someone to blame.

Need to be Right: You feel like you are continually on trial to prove your actions and opinions are correct. Being wrong would be unthinkable. You become defensive and continue to justify your actions and opinions.

(Sources: The feeling good handbook by D.D. Burns and The Psychology of Executive Coaching: Theory and Application by b. Peltier.)

How can you change it?

To change the way you think, and learn to view events in a more positive manner, you may need to question yourself. Ask yourself:

1. What has actually happened? (Just the facts!)
2. Could there be another explanation?
3. What is the worst that could happen (as a result of an event or situation)? What is most likely to happen?
4. How could I look at this differently?
5. What advice would I give my friend if she were in this situation?

If you are having trouble in this area, try talking to you school counsellor to gain some advice and further help.